Thursday, September 11, 2008

Address to a Nintendo DS

Here's another effort to inflict on you! A Nintendo DS is a wee hand-held computer game that has infested the younger generation, increasing the poverty of parents, and the disobedience and selective hearing of weans, the world over. This is about our Charlie (5 1/2) and his DS fixation:


Charlie an' thon oul' Nintendo
He near haes his ma roon the bend-o
Killin' things fae ooter space
Gubbin' them richt in the face
Ye cannae fin' him roon the place
He's awa' playin' thon oul Nintendo

Ye cannae get near the Nintendo
Charlie'll no gie ye a lend-o
Ye dinnae hae a chance ava
He's jumpin' left an richt an aa'
Spongebob Squarebreeks taks a fa'
Fae Charlie wi' thon oul Nintendo

Ye'd think it was glued tae his hands-o
Lego Star Wars an' then Super Mario
Cloddin' fireballs at fowk
Fechtin' Darth Vader's nae joke
His ma says he's goin' tae get choked -
If he disnae quat playin' Nintendo!

He cannae pit the thing doon-o
Even whun he's in the bathroom-o
He couped - it went fleein' across the room
It hut the toilet an' went doon
It gien a splash, an then it droon't
He kill't his beloved Nintendo

(but a wheen o' months later, efter weerin' doon his ma' an' da wi' gurnin' an' gan on, he got anither yin...)

When it's time tae go tae his bed-o
Charlie hides it richt unner his pillow
The blanket's pu'd up ower his heid
Ye cannae see him, jist his feet
Whit's that lit up alo the sheets?
It's Charlie wi' thon oul Nintendo

Nae doot Charlie's hooked on Nintendo
He's nae need tae even pretend-o!
Ye'd think he'd naethin else tae dae
But sit on his rear-enn an' play
"A'll redd ma room some ither day...
A'm on Level Five on Nintendo!"