"If it's not on tv, it's not real"

I can't remember whose quote that is, but it was proved to me in glorious HD ready technicolour last night.

I took Jacob to a cold, snowy Ibrox to watch Rangers playing AC Milan - a friend of mine had organised both tickets and hotel for us, and we negotiated a day off school with Jacob's P6 teacher.

AC Milan have a dazzling array of world-famous players in their squad - Beckham, Ronaldinho, Kaka, Inzaghi, Shevchenko etc - so last night was a big glamour match which brought a new audience of celebrity-watchers never mind football fans to the match.

Sitting just behind us were two brothers - about 14 and 6 - and the wee one had clearly never been to a real football match before. The wee one was asking all sorts of very loud and (for his big brother) embarrassing questions like "who are these two teams?", "are Rangers the ones in red and black?", "which team does Ronaldinho play for?". The older brother's answers got snappier and angrier as time went on.

But the wee brother kept the best till last:

"Hey Davie, why's there nobody saying things like 'Kaka to Beckham', 'Beckham to Pirlo', 'Pirlo to Ronaldinho'?"

This was the last straw for the big brother, who nearly busted a blood vessel when he shouted in a fit of rage "BECAUSE THAT'S A COMMENTATORS JOB - YOU ONLY GET THEM ON TV!"

It finished 2-2 (the match that is, not the fraternal argument!) Here are the goals from some foreign tv station on YouTube. Kaka's goal was great: